So the past few days, I have understood the journey of Alice. I have been chasing the elusive truth in my life like it was the white rabbit. It is there...so close and yet out of reach. I feel as if I just can't stretch far enough. Maybe the rabbit isn't running. I have a nagging feeling that I've stopped running for awhile now. I've come to the crossroads. I know where God wants to take me and he's telling me there isn't room for all of my stuff. I want to go where He's leading but there's still something that I know will simply have to die; and I don't know if I can let it. It's been apart of me for so long...and I really can't understand why I want to keep it so much. It has never been right or worked right or been consistent or even good to me. I am scared to think that it has possibly never even been real or tangible at all. I just have no guarantees. And I stupidly, insanely think this time I'll make it work...therefore I don't need the help from God. But that part is small and stupid. I need him because I am tired of failing at this and I'm tired of trying to control this when it's never been in my power to control it. I just want to let it go and not look back.
Maybe tomorrow...I'm going to have to decide...and trust...and go forward...for real this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment